as most of us here would know, today is the release of results for the ntu brothers and sisters. ytd night my social media timelines were flooded with my friend’s rantings about how they have this ominous feeling, how their hearts are racing, how they wish their cgpa can maintain etc. and those negative thoughts started to consume me slowly.
the past sem was probably my worst sem ever. worst in the sense that i felt stressed out all the time. all my mods were coursework based, 2 of which are performance based i.e. have to spend a lot of time practising and rehearsing. one other core mod is a mod that i really dislike because it’s so technical and i failed all my quizzes, and i did super badly for all the assignments as well. on top of that i had to prepare for HOCC (trainings end at 2ish 3am usually) and also for my dance concert as well, which made all coursework based mods sound like a terrible idea. crazy doesn’t even begin to describe the sem. oh and not forgetting my shingles outbreak that was caused by stress, and i was given 2 weeks mc.
i was so consumed by everything, everything other than God.
so last night shortly before results released, as i’ve shared with my lg, i was just asking God that when the world is worrying away, what does it truly mean to trust in the Lord. and i want Him to teach me that. what does it mean to “be still and know that i am God”. i can vividly rmb how God so graciously put me in linguistics (with CCD for A lvl h2 subjects) and brought me thru every sem (i never had to retake any mods even though i fail tests like breathing air). and even though my carnal nature is thinking “what if”, God is asking me “have i ever let you down?” at the moment i told God that no matter what happens, above it all i want to rmb who He is, that He is sovereign still.
God blessed me with a cgpa increase of 0.1, which is pretty much beyond my wildest imagination. but brothers and sisters, my point here isn’t “yay my cgpa improved, praise God!” (but yes praise God still hahaha), my point is that in an environment where everyone is so academic-driven and people start freaking out when their cgpa slip, rmbring who we are in God is so, so, so important. we must know that grades do not, and will not ever define us, even when the world tells us that without good grades we are doomed. no we are not, because our faith is in our God, our God who is able, who can do the impossible, who loves us unconditionally, and He will not let our feet slip.
trust me, for a third class honours student to say the above, it really has to come from God.
hahaha so sorry for the lengthy post, but i really feel the spirit stirring so strongly within me i just can’t contain it! have a blessed day ahead everyone, and happy weekends! 😀